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Approved links
Links to all the websites you will ever need …
each with the Wills-Doncaster seal of approval.
 
Something of a shock
I have seldom had the need to refer to the internet over recent years. I already know most things that are worth knowing - and any gaps in my knowledge can invariably be filled by Encyclopaedia Britannica. A few weeks ago however neither I nor my reference library were able to help me to determine the sex of a young sheep whose gender had remained ambiguous since its birth in January. Rather than waste money on Mr Glatt (our local veterinary surgeon), I innocently decided to put the keywords 'sex my sheep' into Gloggy ... and the results shook me to my gusset. If you feel you need to see what I encountered, you'd better click here - but frankly I'd recommend you don't bother. Suffice it to say that Larry seems to be American, which doesn't excuse him - but does explain something about his tendencies.
I needed a stiff gin and elderflower after that I can tell you - and the experience forced me to consider what might have happened if someone other than myself had stumbled across Larry's plea for help. There and then I decided to grab the ox by the scrotum and instigate a full review of all sites on the world wide web.
Eye-opening research
Over a period of seven weeks I painstakingly visited every single website in the world and was utterly disgusted by what I uncovered. I found barely thirty sites that are worth visiting - and have decided to list them here to save other web surfers (oh dear, there I am slipping into contemporary technical jargon again) the embarrassment of having to endure what I went through.
This is a public service for which I seek no recognition or recompense. Indeed my true reward is simply knowing that vulnerable children, teenagers, single mothers, lonely middle-aged men, the Welsh and young women who have been kidnapped and brought here from eastern Europe to work in Tesco, need no longer run the risk of being morally poisoned by having to use the likes of Gloggy or Yaboo when they need to find a supplier of Wellington boots or stuffed olives in brine.
The following then, are certified links to all the websites that normal, well-adjusted Britons will ever need:
For your next tractor contact Massey Ferguson
For all food requirements other than those you grow and nurture on your own farm or smallholding, simply visit Fortnum and Mason.
For exceptional hens that produce the most wonderful eggs, I heartily recommend the Morayshire based Happy Hen House
Fine-mouthed squeamish namby-pambies look away now ... but if like me you simply cannot bear to leave fresh road kill lying on the carriageway, you’ll empathise with Mr Boyt of North Cornwall who is doing what I should have done years ago - compile a recipe book for recently deceased badger, fox and hare. His recipe for Hedgehog Spaghetti Carbonara is exquisite and I commend it to you:
You will of course need to keep in touch with developments surrounding our Royal Family
And if any of your cocks are droopy and off-colour, or your Wyandotte won't lay, do refer to Practical Poultry
For an honest, unbiased and balanced review of the news, visit the Daily Mail
Here is the website for National Farmers Union (N.F.U.)
For your greetings card needs, buy from Splimple
For durable and attractive clothing (other than for workwear), visit Burberry
For outdoor and workwear you'll of course need to visit Barbour
And for wellington boots I only use one supplier wellie-web
To keep abreast of crucial developments in equestrianism you will of course need Horse and Hound
For an in-depth review of issues that affect the 98% of people who reside in the British countryside (also worth buying if you are a city dweller who would like to understand more about life beyond the urban slums), buy Country Life
To empty your cesspit, you'll need Lloyds Environmental
When your Land Rover has done its 40 years, do not be tempted to buy a Jeep under any circumstances, instead stick to tried and tested British craftsmanship
To cheer up the whole family on a cold winter's evening, you can't beat the engaging Xylophone playing of the multi-talented and damned attractive Sir Patrick Moore
Reading should of course always be educational - and in my opinion fictional ‘literature’ should be outlawed. Eco-logic books offer a comprehensive library which will meet the life long learning needs of every environmentally aware citizen (I particularly enjoyed their excellent books on the subjects of septic tanks and composting with worms.
Alternatively learn to play the world's most enchanting instrument, the Sousaphone - and make new friends while you're doing so:
And no self respecting British citizen will let a day pass without a visit to the website of our greatest Prime Minister Lady Thatcher
Legalise cannibalism? Should it be a criminal offence? Or should casual supporters of cannibalism be allowed to experiment in the privacy of their own homes? This is arguably the most important debate being conducted in British society - and whatever your view on the matter, it's important you are well informed. It was rife in the 1960's, the Beatles loved it and many of my school chums indulged regularly. Learn more about Cannibalism here
If you like nothing better than running a fox to exhaustion, watching it torn apart by ravenous hounds and getting the chance to thwack your riding crop against the foreheads of the hippies, lesbians and communists who creep out of their city slums to try and stop your fun, then here’s the place to support hunting
Wrestling remains my favourite sport ... indeed if all sports were abolished overnight except one, I would urge the Secretary of State for Sport to retain wrestling as the national sport of Great Britain.
Here is the site for the Yorkshire Archaeological Society
Every other month some idiot member of the medical profession declares that nine people out of ten will suffer from mental illness during their lives. This is utter nonsense of course - and simply a plot by the Labour Party to control the population through the administration of mind-controlling drugs. During my entire life I have only ever encountered one person who is truly insane - Mr Arthur Brownwindsor - and a visit to his website will quickly dispel any doubts as to your own state of mind.
We all need a holiday from time to time. Rupert and I enjoy ours in the buff
And on those occasions when you have no alternative than to visit the dreadful West Midlands (perhaps for Crufts, or the Royal Show, or to attend the AGM of the National Farmers Union), there is only one place worth staying - the charming and elegant Mows Hill Farm, which Rupert and I adore.
If you cannot afford a holiday, then at least become a member of the National Trust. I am a life member and visit at least 3 properties each week.
If like me, you prefer to have your dead pets stuffed, as opposed to eating them (other than your house sheep and night goose), it’s imperative you keep a note of this web address
If you have any further needs, these can all be met by Harrods (a store I recommend purely because of their heritage and absolutely not because I have ever had intercourse of any other relationship with their foul-breathed owner (despite what The Sun had to say).
New websites (mostly filthy) are being added every day - so I will endeavour to keep this listing up to date. However, if you feel I have omitted a site that could justify the Dorothy Wills-Doncaster seal of approval, please inform me and I will consider it.
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